


When you love someone

by LFMH021



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Misunderstandings, TW Fainting, TW Mentioned abuse (minor focus only), The ending is way too fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 18:53:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17883371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LFMH021/pseuds/LFMH021
Summary: Neil takes a deep breath, gathers his courage and whispers, “Andrew, I love—““Don’t,” Andrew intervenes, voice firm. “If you continue that phrase, I’m telling you in advance that I will second guess whatever we have between us.”Neil has promised Andrew to tell no more lies, that’s why he plans to blurt out his confession, only to be outright rejected. Knowing how much burden the three-word phrase could bring onto Andrew, Neil takes it back and pretends nothing has happened.They, along with the other Foxes, get caught with their web of lies until it places a heavy burden onto Neil that affects his mental and physical state.





	When you love someone

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I was inspired by a KageHina DJ that I've read (Usotsuki Canon) and I've legit cried when I first read it so I thought of incorporating it with Andreil because it's not like I incorporate Andreil with everything I do with my life (insert uncertain laughter).
> 
> Anyways, here's a light angst with a happy ending because these fools deserve their happy ending, okay?
> 
> I recommend listening to any sad song just to make you absorb the story more? Or not? It's up to you really. OH, KUDOS AND COMMENTS GIVE ME LIFE SO I BEG YOU, LEAVE ME SOMEEEEE!

_Nathaniel blinked up from the book on his lap. “Mom, why don’t you tell Father that you love him?” He asked with his tiny and quiet voice. He hated the crack he makes once in a while that’s why sometimes prefers not to speak too loudly._

_His mother halted from folding his clothes and looked back at him. He was still too young to understand the uncertainty in those eyes. She smiled weakly before approaching him and enveloping him with arms that were still gentle and warm in his opinion. “Your father and I don’t really match, Abram. We are just together because we have to be.”_

_He tilted his head on a side and murmured a whine, “I don’t understand.”_

_She sighed fondly and brought him closer on her chest. “Sometimes mothers and fathers don’t always love each other. We are just fathers and mothers.”_

_He glanced down at his book and then back at her. “Oh. So when do you really tell someone you love them?”_

_Mary Hatford scooted closer to her son and lifted him up until he was on her lap. “Very important and special people deserve those words. You have to make sure first because they shouldn’t be said carelessly.”_

_“Very important and special? How do you know?” He persisted, clutching his tiny hands on her blouse._

_She smiled at him and nuzzled her nose against his’, making him giggle. “They make you happy. They make you feel warm. They make you feel like you’re home when you’re with them. They accept you whoever you are.” She paused and then pointed at where his heart is. “Sometimes, you just know.” She brought him closer and then placed a kiss on his forehead. “Tell them you love them. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Choose wisely who to love but love them fully.”_

_He didn’t understand it fully that time since he was barely four. But he nodded and kissed his mother’s cheek. “I love you, Mom,” he chirped._

_He would never forget the bright smile he received from Mary Hatford._

 

Neil opens his eyes and immediately looks beside him. He almost expects to see his mother sleeping beside him. He doesn’t know how to describe the relief he feels when he sees Andrew Minyard there instead. The goalkeeper is snoring slightly, sleeping peacefully.

It’s the summer, and the heat made Andrew choose a tank top for sleeping last night. He looks good Neil decided to sleep in for today just to watch his partner sleep beside him. It is a tight squeeze since it’s a bunk bed but they made it work.

Neil has been getting that dream for days and he doesn’t know how to interpret them. He has an inkling but he doesn’t want to entertain the idea especially if it involves Andrew. He has always been in tune with his feelings and body. He knows that only Andrew brings certain reactions: that feeling of home wherever they both are, that comfort and safety whenever they are beside each other, that happiness he feels when he catches Andrew in his peripheral vision, the strength he gains knowing the goalkeeper stands by him, the acceptance shown through the apathetic look he gets when he battles his PTSD.

He doesn’t like it because he knows that Andrew wouldn’t appreciate it if he finds out. However, Neil is also torn since he has promised Andrew that he wouldn’t keep anymore secrets.

He almost wants to cry.

 

Neil and Andrew lounge on the rooftop with cigarettes and a bottles of beers. The Foxes would be back tomorrow and their summer training would commence as well. That is why they have chosen to spend their remaining night of freedom on their sanctuary: the rooftop.

It has been tough but his promise has won over his pathological liar side. That is how he ends up mulling over how to utter those three words. After everything he has done, Andrew deserves nothing but honesty.

Neil takes a deep breath, gathers his courage and whispers, “Andrew, I love—“

“Don’t,” Andrew intervenes, voice firm. “If you continue that phrase, I’m telling you in advance that I will second guess whatever we have between us.”

He frowns and turns his head towards the blond. His heart jumps at the glare thrown at him.

Andrew takes a long drag and breathes the smoke out while speaking, “I despise those three words. Uttered so carelessly by people who never mean them. You’re supposed to be different, Josten. You promised not to lie to me. I have held onto the hope those words held for so long I think they should fall under the forbidden words list by now. I’d rather stay somewhere that label doesn’t matter for whatever this is.”

They hold each other’s eyes for few moments until Andrew looks away first. The blond tosses the cigarette down the roof, stands up and then pats his pants. He doesn’t bid Neil farewell as he heads back inside.

Neil’s mother has taught him a lot of things. She hasn’t taught him how to deal with rejection.

 

Things haven’t exactly been awkward between them after Neil returns. Rather, they haven’t talked with each other. Neil observes Andrew’s reaction as Nicky and Eric video call loudly few meters on the kitchen, fighting over who loves the other more. Andrew looks borderline disgusted and annoyed. When Aaron bade Katelyn farewell through the phone, he said those three words. Neil doesn’t miss the stare Andrew has on his twin the whole time.

Neil then uses his time for sleeping to decipher why he has been rejected. Memories flood into his mind and then at midnight he is weighed by this guilt. Andrew despises the feeling off vulnerability, helplessness, remorse and defenselessness.

With his background, Andrew has never been taught how to respond to love. Perhaps he had even been let down by those who uttered these words to him. He had probably brought down his defenses because he thought they were sincere when in fact they were just said to manipulate Andrew.

Neil clutches his chest and grits his teeth, badly wanting to rip his hair out in frustration. He couldn’t believe he burdened Andrew with the possibility of leaving Andrew hanging by words he doesn’t believe anymore. No wonder Andrew looked pained when Neil tried to insist.

He imagined his feelings to manifest into a tangible thing in his hands. He stares hard at it and then slowly but firmly crushes it. “Gone. It’s gone,” He murmurs, lying that it is that easy.

 

He emerges from the bathroom, wet and dripping on the floor. He blinks upon seeing the bleary gaze he is given by a certain blond goalkeeper sat on his bed.

Neil pushes down the fondness he feels and quips, “Good morning, old man.”

Andrew glares at him. “You’re making a mess.”

“What’s new?” He retorts, opening his drawers to pull out his new set of clothes. With his back turned towards Andrew, he mutters, “I lied.”

“What?”

“I lied last night,” He states and puts on his underwear. “I have been so deprived of affection I thought should say those words to you just because you’re mostly the reason I stay sane. However, I introspected and realized that perhaps it’s not you – those words are for your promises, your acceptance and for the safety you make me feel. It has been a misinterpretation.”

He turns and gives Andrew a small smile, he pushes down the sadness he feels upon lying.

Andrew gazes back at him for several seconds then nods. “Good.” He then stands up. “You better left me milk or I’m strangling you, Neil.”

“It’s trim milk!” He sing-sang, clutching his chest.

Andrew growls back from the kitchen, “Fuck you.”

“Sure, what time?”

He laughs at the deadpan response he receives, “After practice.”

 

Neil almost jumps giddily at seeing Matt’s truck and Alison’s pink Porsche on the parking area in front of the stadium. He bolts out of the Maserati and screams, “Hey!”

The upperclassmen all turn towards the direction of his voice. Matt readily opens his arms and lifts Neil, spinning wildly. “God damn, Neil, I missed you.”

Alison hums and then ruffles his hair. “How’s my baby deer? I see you have followed my instructions. You look good in those jeans, Neil.”

Dan kisses his cheeks wetly, making them both laugh. “Are you ready for a year of headaches, vice captain?”

He rolls his eyes, sighing, “Don’t remind me.”

Renee chuckles and gives him a tight hug. “It’s good to see you, Neil. I’m certain you’ll get the hang of it quickly.”

He stares at them and yearns to tell them that pain in his chest whenever he pretends that last night hasn’t happened. He wants to confide to one or all of them but Andrew’s right behind him.

Matt crouches down to his level and gives him a worried look. “Neil, buddy?”

“I’m fine,” He reflexively answers and then turns towards Kevin. “Keys. I have been dying to practice so hurry up, dick.”

Kevin levels him with a dark look. “Watch it, Josten or I might just kill you with a new training regime.”

“Quack, quack, quack. Kevin does nothing but quack,” He mocks, leaving them behind as he hurries towards the door.

This is nothing new to him, simultaneously finding ways to bury his lies under distractions while also functioning as a normal human being. Pretending he doesn’t love Andrew the way he actually does is not so different from hiding in plain sight from his father’s subordinates as they ran away in different cities.

 

Andrew is not stupid. In fact, he sees himself as an intelligent being.

He is not an idiot who doesn’t notice that Neil Josten is avoiding being left alone with him. Nothing really changed but at the same time the atmosphere between the two of them has turned heavy.

They also haven’t touched each other for four days. Ever since that night on the rooftop.

Neil has done his best not to let even their fingertips to touch. It has been frustrating.

Just when the smaller striker is about to run off, Andrew blocks his way. “Your bandana is not tightly tied.” Neil nods and then lets himself be manhandled by the goalkeeper.

After securing the bandana, he turns Neil to see if it doesn’t hinder his play anymore. He doesn’t expect the pink tint on those scarred cheeks. Neil squeaks a thank you before bolting towards the others.

The thing is that Andrew has been dying to tell Neil those three words as well but it has been always been difficult for Andrew to express himself.

He doesn’t trust himself enough to utter those words careless especially to the only person who has deserves them the most.

Andrew doesn’t know if there would ever be a time that Neil would get tired of him however the goalkeeper doesn’t want those words to bind Neil to him to the point the auburn-head stays despite his unhappiness.

He opens the door and watches silently as the others begin the scrimmage. He takes sips of water and observes them. He twitches in reflex when Neil is shoved on the plexiglass by Matt in an act of defense.

“Sorry, buddy!” Matt panics, picking Neil up. “I thought you would run off. You usually don’t fall to that trick of mine.”

Neil rubs his back and gives the backliner a thumb’s up. “It’s fine.”

The practice resumes and Andrew’s skin crawls when Kevin storms towards Neil and screams, “What the fuck was that? I told you to pass it to me through the plexiglass. Are you deaf?”

“It still entered the goal!” Neil growls.

“Yeah because Aaron got distracted. If your defense is a different opponent, that wouldn’t have worked. What’s the point of all of our Raven drills if you’re not going to utilize them?”

Neil spits something back in French. Everyone bristles when Kevin seethes, removes one of his gloves and slaps Neil with it.

“Get out of the court. Don’t enter it until you know it deserves you,” Kevin hisses.

Neil takes off his helmet, glares daggers at the ex-Raven and then obeys silently. He walks towards the door, stops to look at Andrew for a second before pushing past him.

“Andrew, come in here already!” Kevin snaps. Just because he hates to be quacked by Kevin, he rolls his eyes and finally enters the court.

 

Aaron curses as he fiddles with the key. “God damn it, Matt, couldn’t you have indicated which key is for which?”

Matt imitates him silently. “Shut up, Aaron. Be grateful I didn’t make you walk back to the Tower. I still could, you know. Not my fault you’re forgetful; who even forgets about his wallet, really?”

He twists the doorknob and blinks at the fact that the lights are on. He hears sniffles and turns towards the far corner of the locker room.

His eyes widen when he finds Neil huddled on Alison’s arms, surrounded by Dan and Renee. He is about to open his mouth but Renee quickly shushes him.

Neil grits his teeth, clutches an arm around his stomach while the other hand clasps tightly onto Alison’s dress. When he turns slightly, that is when Aaron notices the tears trailing down Josten’s cheeks.

Matt rummages through his locker and slowly approaches them with a blanket. He carefully wraps Neil with it and then lifts the striker into his arms. Neil stirs but stays asleep.

Aaron picks his wallet from beside a bencher before following after the others, confused what to feel with the scene he just witnessed.

“…’Drew,” Josten murmurs in his sleep, sniffling.

“What happened?” Matt whispers, keeping his self-claimed best friend close to his chest.

Dan holds onto one of Matt’s arms and answers dejectedly, “He’s having difficulty trying to pretend that he could love Andrew while not showing it outwardly. He has been outright rejected.”

Aaron gapes at the Foxes’ captain, uncertain whether he heard everything correctly.

Alison smiles warily at the skies. “We truly are Foxes. We would stand up however many times we fall down but we are afraid of three words that could crush our souls.”

 

Andrew wakes up early for today, intending to pick Neil up from Matt’s room. He isn’t certain what kind of shenanigan they have gone to but Neil texts him few minutes before Andrew fell asleep last night, telling the blond that he has missed Matt and wanted to have a movie night with him.

He stands up and is about to walk out towards the kitchen when he hears his lot’s voices outside their bedroom. Aaron is unexpectedly in their suite room by his own will.

“Will Neil be alright?” Nicky murmurs. “His eyes are swollen when Matt ushers him inside our room last night.”

“Their relationship isn’t exactly simple. Their dynamics is bound to cause problems soon,” Kevin mutters sleepily.

Aaron heaves a deep sigh. “Still, I never thought Andrew would reject him especially after the fight we had over breaking our deal to keep our respective partners. It seems contradictory, doesn’t it?”

Nicky hums. “It must have been tough for Neil. He seems to be the type who gives his all to those who he treasures because he, himself, is deprived of affection. It must have been difficult to pretend that it didn’t hurt.”

Andrew’s hand is frozen mid-air towards the doorknob, recalling their previous conversations. Remembering the smile he was given after that explanation the day after Neil’s confession. Repeating the hurt he saw in those blue eyes when Andrew stood up from the roof and left the other alone up there.

Original plan forgotten, Andrew stumbles back down onto Neil’s bed and stares at the wall, internally breaking down the wall he built up from constantly being let down with those three words.

It’s the least he could do for Neil Josten.

 

Craving for that smug smile, those bright blue eyes, those sassy responses, Andrew has decided to tackle his fear head on. It isn’t exactly far stretched for Neil to lie about his feelings just to spare Andrew the suffering of painful memories. He isn’t a martyr for no reason.

Of course Neil chose to burden himself with the grief of rejection rather than make promises with Andrew the goalkeeper himself doesn’t believe in.

He decided to settle this properly after the scrimmage. What he doesn’t expect when he opens the door is to see Neil on his knees clutching his stomach while dry heaving.

Matt and Dan kneels beside the auburn head and yells at him to respond. Their voices quiver in worry.

His eyes widen a fraction as he watches Neil stand up, then simultaneously collapse on the floor.

“Neil!” The room screams then the Foxes move as group. Dan and Renee run off to call for Wymack and Abby. Matt flips Neil body over into a more comfortable position. Aaron squats beside them and examines Neil’s condition, mumbling symptoms and possible diagnostics. Kevin has ran off towards the locker room to grab his phone and call for paramedics. Nicky has volunteered to fan Neil since the humidity probably doesn’t help the situation. Alison has opened the doors to let in some air.

Andrew watches helplessly, seemingly far away from all of this.

“’Drew,” Neil gasps from where he laid, unconscious but hand twitching from his side. Andrew moved in autopilot and rapidly grasped the striker’s hand. “’Drew,” He sighs in what sounds like relief.

All of the Foxes, aside from Andrew, stand up to greet Wymack, Abby and the paramedics. Tuning the commotion out, Andrew brings Neil’s hand closer to his face and whispers a cracked, “Hey. I do too. I do too.”

Andrew then understands the pain Neil went through when Andrew walked away from him on the rooftop because the silence he received pierces him deeply.

 

Andrew Minyard is fond of reading. It has been an interest that actually helps him. It helps him tune others out. It helps him distract himself from the memories. It helps him drown the dark voices in his head.

Andrew has read hundreds of love stories. They all seemed foolish in his opinion. He didn’t understand the sacrifices people do willingly out of this emotion. He didn’t understand the urge of the characters to do everything just to be with the one they love.

Andrew has always believed that no one could love someone else if the individual doesn’t love himself first. So how could Andrew love anyone if he couldn’t find the will to love himself fully?

Meeting Neil Josten has changed his opinion. Neil Josten has made him realize that sometimes people need to know that someone else do love them just because it gives them that strength that they are worth loving. They deserve to be loved. Therefore they find the will to love themselves too.

When you love someone, you don’t necessarily need to change or make your partner change. You need to learn that it’s alright that you won’t match perfectly. You just learn to make sacrifices to make the other happy. You acknowledge that you compromise to make both parties satisfied.

Love is partnership. Love is acceptance. Love is comfort. Love is warmth. Love is where your home is.

 

Andrew is the first one to enter Neil’s hospital room after his appendicitis surgery. Apparently, Josten has ruptured his appendix by doing activities right after eating, for the long lasting effects of the food he had eaten while on the run, and because his immune system has lowered its defenses because of stress and lack of sleep and nutrients.

He has been hiding effectively the fact that he had a high fever the moment he woke up, that his abdominal area was swelling a bit since the day before and that he had been vomiting a lot.

Andrew tried not to react earlier when the surgeon asked whether Neil has experienced anything that has caused any emotional stress the last few days. The Foxes had all became quiet after his query.

Now, Andrew sits on the stool he has dragged beside Neil’s bed.  Neil is in no immediate danger anymore. His body just needs the rest. Andrew blamed his distrust of hospitals and doctors with the fact that he badly wants to return to Fox Tower already with Neil.

He tentatively grips Neil’s hand and squeezes it. “You dumbass,” He starts. “You have hidden it so well that your appendix has given up on your behalf. How moronic can you be?”

The silence settles for several moments in the room.

Andrew is no tender person but he gives the gentlest touch he could muster by rubbing circles on the back of Neil’s hand with his callused thumb. “I know what you wanted to say. I’m just,” he pauses and stares at the white blanket covering Neil’s bottom half. “afraid,” he finishes. “I’m afraid that those words would let us down someday. That those words would bind you to me even if you become unhappy with what we have. You don’t deserve that.”

“…I do what I want anyway,” Neil rasps inches away from him. He lifts his gaze and finds Neil painstakingly trying to open his eyes. He groans and then breathes, “My mom taught me that very several people deserve that phrase. That I should choose wisely but give that sentiment wholeheartedly once I’ve known the chosen ones.”

Andrew watches Neil open his eyes and then smile down at him. “I do love you, Andrew. It hurt so much to pretend I didn’t. Because I do.” He squeezes Andrew’s hand back, albeit weakly. “You deserve this as much as you say that I do.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “I’ll understand if you could never say them to me. However, I do hope you’d accept my sentiment. I intend to shower you with it until you get sick of me.”

He believes that would never happen but Neil doesn’t need to know that. Instead, Andrew pinches Neil’s arm which causes the auburn head to squeak. “Yeah, I get it. I accept your sentiment.” When he sees Neil’s eyes sparkling with joy, he pinches him again.

“Fuck off, ‘Drew!”

“Eat your vegetables, Josten.”

Neil rolls his eyes. “Talk to a mirror, asshole.”

They stare at each other and Andrew knows, he just does, that they would be fine now.

 

* * *

 

 

Andrew walks out of their bedroom, scratching the stubble that is starting to show up again. He squints at the sunlight the drawn curtains let in. His heart stutters at seeing Neil standing before the stove, cooking up breakfast, wearing only a loose shirt and tight boxers. Hickeys show up from various parts of his thighs and neck.

It has been seven years since they first kissed on the rooftop. It has been seven years ever since Neil Josten has entered Andrew’s life and gave the blond a reason to live.

Andrew hadn’t thought that he would live past 25 yet here he is, leaning against the wall, watching his husband chuckle at their two stubborn cats as the little monsters try to guilt Neil into feeding them.

Neil coos and runs gentle fingers down their back, scratching their lower backs, making both purr loudly.

It has been seven years and yet Andrew hasn’t gotten tired of seeing this kind of scene first thing in the morning. He hasn’t thought such contentment and warmth would ever make him this calm.

“Neil,” He calls out.

Neil turns and smiles widely at Andrew, as if they haven’t seen each other in months. “G’morning, ‘Drew.” He picks up King and scratches her behind one of her ears.

“I love you,” Andrew blurts out.

Neil almost drops King as he gradually lifts his head to look back at Andrew. It has been seven years. Andrew is prepared. He smiles shyly and quips, “I know.”

“That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t kill you when I feel like it,” Andrew adds.

Neil accepts the kiss he receives on his forehead with a pleased hum. “The pancakes are almost done. You’d get four pieces, a whole bottle of whipped cream and chocolate chips.”

Andrew stares at Neil’s bright blue eyes he could never look away from. “143%, Josten.”

Neil’s loud laughter rings around their apartment. Andrew welcomes it wholeheartedly.

When you love someone, you just do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda rushed but I hope you still enjoyed it as much as I had fun writing it. This is unbeta'd because that's just the way I am. In fact, I'm pretty sure this one has lots of mistakes but I'm a lazyass. 
> 
> KINDLY LEAVE ME KUDOS AND COMMENTS! THEY MEAN A LOT TO ME!
> 
> Love y'all!


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